Teambuilding and Trust Exercises at Work.

I often bring interactive exercises to my workshops. These keep participants engaged (and awake). But these exercises can’t simply be diversions or gimmicks. Especially in the area of trust. Researchers and business experts continue to confirm Patrick Lencioni’s (5 Dysfunctions of Teams) premise. Trust is vital for healthy teamwork. The irony of team building events is that the day can be exhilarating or fun but actually cause a loss of trust. This is because the real issues are never surfaced and everyone learns to pretend the team is now closer. Trust erodes at work the way it does in other areas of our lives--through sometimes small, mundane misunderstandings that seem too "unimportant" to talk about. These build into attitudes that filter everything we see our colleague (friend, family member) do. Lencioni’s work reminds us that trust is required for conflict to be handled effectively AND conflict must be addressed for trust to survive.
© 2011 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Decoding our Emotional Messages

If our emotions contain important information for us, why do we often ignore them? One obvious reason--emotions are disruptive and distressing. Another reason is that our emotions are often hard to decode. A dear friend was irate at the loss of a packaged “Anniversary Barbie doll.” She wanted to deny her anger (it embarrassed her) but her rage remained. What did it mean? After some delving, we discovered that she had unconsciously created a daydream that this Barbie would be a collector’s item and worth “big bucks.” This was, objectively, not likely. But even if “Debra’s” emotions weren’t giving her accurate info about her outer reality, they were giving her vital info. Debra realized just how fearful she was about her finances and retirement.

Another example is a client who continued to feel rage toward her supervisor. “Jean” created many excuses for her anger but over time, talking to good friends and writing in her journal, she began to realize that she was really feeling anger towards her mother. This unresolved anger was now being directed at another woman who reminded Jean (subconsciously) of her mother. The emotion signaled that Jean needed to resolve those early feelings. Once she was able to understand what her anger was really about, she felt a new peace and work and was able to apologize and build a great relationship to her supervisor. Jean’s emotions weren’t “wrong.” They just contained information that needed decoding.
© 2011 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Another tool--the Facilitated Discussion

After a meeting with a client, my friend and colleague Pam complimented me on having "lots of arrows in my quiver." She meant that I had many methods to choose from, when customizing a program. Wow. I love that. As the psychologist Abraham Maslow said, "If you only have a hammer, you see every problem as a nail." Last month I wrote that coaching a few employees may be more appropriate than training the entire group. Another awesome tool is the facilitated discussion.

Facilitators use structured questions, exercises, and specific debriefing patterns to help a group productively explore issues. Techniques such as "The Workshop Method" or the "Affinity Method" are useful to:

•Channel and guide participant input
•Integrate diverse and creative ideas
•Build an informed group consensus
•Develop purposeful, workable solutions.
If the team's dynamic is dysfunctional or simply unknown, a facilitated discussion can uncover root causes and create action plans. Because members feel listened to, they are motivated to participate and follow through on these plans.

But make no mistake: facilitated discussions are alive with both promise and risk. They create a venue to hear the real struggles and hopes of the participants. Rather than applying a formula, these structures allow us to deeply listen to the real situation and work with it. We may have to tolerate uncertainty and discomfort. Deeper levels of conflict may be exposed. But, just like the rigors of creating better health--we need to persevere through discomfort to arrive at healing. The pain is the precursor of new potentials and creativity.

© 2011 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Excited about upcoming training at Menlo Logistics. Our day together--gr8 mix of analysis, experiments, play, and practice. #in

Best practices when facilitating groups

Facilitating a group process is challenging but the rewards for the group are great. Here's a list of ideal facilitator actions. See Ingrid Ben's "Facilitating with Ease" for more info.

__ asking for dissenting views
__ paraphrasing a lot
__ showing respect for opposing views
__ non-defensiveness
__ validating speakers
__ redirecting sarcasm
__ confronting the facts
__ using norms for control
__ showing concern for others'
feelings
__ making interventions
__ checking on how people are doing
__ disclosing personal feelings
__ letting people vent
__ bringing proper closure
__ mediating conflicts between
two people
__ making sure everyone stays
involved
from "Facilitating with Ease" by Ingrid Bens

Some highlights from Time Management discussions yesterday

Had a great time with the good folks at Bimbo Bakery. Our Time Management crash course was a blast. We covered the basic principles:
Time Audits
Goal Setting
Energy Matching
Batching

We also discussed many ways to handle the deluge of email and other interruptions. Here are some other hightlights from from the day.
Other best practices to remember:

1. Unload your brain into a planner at the end of the day. You’ll sleep better and be prepared to jump into duties the next morning.

2. “Kiss that frog!” Procrastination drains energy. Complete the task that weighs on you and you’ll have more energy.

3. Plan for the unexpected. Provide time in your schedule for “Murphy’s Law” events. A more realistic schedule will keep you less stress and you won’t disappoint others. If you have extra time, use it to improve processes.

4. Having time to think and improve processes is the best way to leverage time. Your improvements will save more time and eliminate fire-fighting at work.



© 2011 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Use surveys to improve training

Fun with bar charts! My new EI/trust survey assessment. Use before and after training to gauge skills and health of team. Call or write for more info.

Got Trust?

Best-selling training gurus Steven R. Covey and Patrick Leoncini, (his 5 Dysfunctions of a team model seen here) and training researchers at DDI all agree—the levels of trust within a team determine its effectiveness and health. Without trust, teams can be plagued with hidden agendas, defensiveness, and passive aggressive maneuvers. During team meetings, the best ideas are lost, as members censor themselves. Without the necessary conflict of ideas, the team is more likely to make inferior decisions--with disastrous results. Without trust, this cycle worsens as members shield themselves from blame, withhold crucial insights, and produce more inferior results. As members withdraw (psychologically and emotionally) from the group, their first priority becomes self-preservation.

Do I trust others at work? Am I a trustworthy member of my team?

To create trust on the team, members must let down their guard and show vulnerability. This is hard! And often counter-intuitive. We’re primed to compete and hide our weaknesses. But if our leaders model a healthy sharing of their feelings (fear, frustration, confusion), others will feel safe to follow. Now a new cycle can begin. As trust grows, members discuss conflicts or misunderstandings before they escalate. They discuss their inferences, instead of assuming the worst of their colleagues.

EI skills make us trustworthy. As we recognize our emotions, we can acknowledge them to others—building empathy and avoiding mixed messages. As we practice tolerating and managing our reactions, we communicate with more skill and less reactivity—helping others feel safe even in conflict. As we examine our unconscious self-talk, we intercede before an unhealthy assumptions creates problem behaviors.

Team reflection: Have we made poor decisions because members did not feel willing to share vital information? Is there a current issue that is taboo? Any current conflict can uncover deeper issues within the team. Can we invest time to understand each others’ point of view? This investment can pay huge dividends.

Journal prompt: How comfortable am I with self-disclosure at work? On a scale of 1-10, how much do we trust others at work? How can I improve levels of trust with my coworkers?

©Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved.

Self-serving quote :)

For those who are reluctant to spend money on an outsider, it's important to consider the hidden but staggering costs associated with being a dysfunctional team. The cost of losing and having to replace one good member will more than cover any initial expense of a good consultant. And that’s before factoring in the value of higher productivity and reduced stress.
From Overcoming the 5 Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni

Time Management for 2011--Ruthlessly Protect The Gift of Time

Is "using my time more effectively" on your list of resolutions for the new year? Remember that time management has an emotional component. Make sure to deal with the emotions under your habits. These principles are from my popular "Tenacious Time Management" presentation.

Tenacious Time Management--Principles
 Ruthlessly set priorities.
 Courageously plunge into “A” tasks.
 Heroically hold focus.
 Dare to match tasks to energy cycles.
 Boldly batch tasks.
 Fearlessly decide—touch each task once.
 Face the truth—do a time audit.
 Assertively use smart goals.
 Bravely defeat procrastination.
© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Breaking through the Conflict Cycle

I was sitting in Kathy’s office, explaining what I’d done for one of her clients while she was away. For a split second, Kathy looked angry. But when I asked what was wrong, she denied it. I persisted. I knew that look and I trusted my feelings. Kathy again replied, “Nothing’s wrong.” Then, trying to understand her point of view, I wondered aloud—was Kathy afraid I was stealing her clients? Her face changed again. I knew I had found the truth. It took a while for Kathy to admit her fears but as she opened up, I heard her concerns and she heard my explanations. Our relationship grew closer that day.

Conflicts build over time from small events. During a meeting with Amy, we can interpret her tone of voice or facial expression negatively and leave with a vague feeling of discomfort. Over time, we slowly begin to mistrust Amy. Soon we see more evidence of her rudeness. We begin to treat her differently. Soon there is tension in all our interactions. Finally, there is an outburst and the conflict is recognized. Because it has been building over time, it will be much harder to overcome.

Cycle of Conflict
A sense of something wrong-->a small event-->an attitude begins to form-->
More events confirm our attitude-->tension and discomfort-->conflict explodes.

If we can intervene in the cycle earlier, we can prevent attitudes from forming and hardening. We can prevent a growing (if unconscious) cycle of nonverbal behaviors that increase defensiveness and inhibit trust. We can prevent words and actions that we’ll later regret.

Do I recognize the small signs of another’s anger or fear?

Unfortunately, it takes perseverance and skill to intervene at the smaller levels of conflict. Because our society frowns on anger, we’re often tempted (like Kathy) to deny it. Through trial and error we will learn when to trust our own intuitions and when to believe a denial. We will also learn to always check our assumptions about nonverbals.

Team reflection: Do we have explosions of conflict that seem to “come out of the blue?” If so, how can we intervene sooner into the conflict cycle?

Journal prompt: This week in addition to basic journaling, reflect on any conflicts in your life. Can you think back in time and discover when the conflict started? Can you intervene sooner in milder conflicts that may be forming now?
© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

To Train or To Coach--That is the Question

Does our team need training or coaching?

Because I specialize in emotional intelligence, companies often contact me when they are having a problem---conflict, poor communication, or lack of healthy assertiveness in the team. But digging deeper, I soon learn that the problems often stem from only a few employees. Then why train everyone? Perhaps there’s a desire to “not single out” these workers. Or the company thinks that the best value comes from getting large numbers into the training room.

Coaching may be a better answer for several reasons.
1. The larger the group, the harder it is to customize training for the needs, learning styles, and questions of every group member. Even if I allow time for questions and pair-sharing, it isn’t possible for each person to tell me their unique issues and concerns. Coaching allows me to give a laser-like focus to the individual. We won’t waste time on irrelevant topics (that may be vital to someone else).

2. Any resentment at “being singled out,” should disappear quickly. Coaching is a profound gift from the company. It demonstrates the company’s commitment to the employee – and shows (through hard earned cash) how much he/she is valued.

3. The workers who most need training will receive more individual time and attention. I will be able to fully teach listening techniques or emotional awareness, without needing to rush through key skills. I’ll be able to answer questions, objections, or confusions.

4. During the coaching session, through intense listening, I can create trust and build a bridge of empathy. I’ll have time to help the employee understand the “whys” of a skill, not just the “how.” The participant will be more motivated, knowing that the session is being tailored just for him/her. Conversely, a large group in training may be less engaged. They may feel that the training isn’t really meant for them. The few employees who really need the training are also less open. They don’t see the need, or they resent the plan.

How much is a calmer, more efficient workplace worth? While it may look more economical to train larger numbers, if our goal is to solve problems at work, one on one coaching may be a better solution.
© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Making Training Stick

I presented DDI’s Supporting Leadership Development workshop yesterday. This program offers best practices for how to make training stick. The attendees (a stellar group of manufacturing managers) devoured the materials. They understood how vital their role is—before, during, and after training. We talked about soft and hard measurements of training success, the obstacles within their culture, and some of the core content they could model for their learners.

Training is not a single event. To obtain lasting impact, training must be reinforced and aligned with daily goals. Learners will make mistakes and face anxiety. Managers play a vital role in offering reassurance and support during the learning process.

I admired these managers. They have committed themselves to a great deal of additional work--to mentor a new generation of leaders. It will not be easy. But the rewards are great. With perseverance, they will not only help develop new leaders, but also continue to model an organization that values learning.
© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Take Time for Yourself

In this era of technological wonders, accepting our human limitations may be the greatest time management challenge we face

Are you taking time to refresh, recharge, and contemplate?

© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

The Puzzle of Our Inner Landscape

Staying with feelings is like putting together a puzzle. At first we sit in front of a jumbled mess. But puzzle makers trust that if they contemplate the pieces, they will begin to see patterns and how pieces fit together. Do you remember the feeling of sitting in front of a puzzle and suddenly understanding how the triangle filled with yellow and white fits into the whole? Working with emotions is the same, except that as we observe ourselves, we will have to tolerate both the confusion and the intensity of our feelings. Building a puzzle is fun; feeling our anger, fear, or sadness—not much fun. But the rewards are great.

Don’t doubt your process. You will begin to understand the confusing emotions within you. Write about them, talk to a friend, or simply contemplate while sitting or walking. The puzzle will come together. Maybe not completely, and certainly not quickly, but mindfulness brings clarity. With practice we begin to uncover the different mixtures and intensities of our emotions. We begin to recognize the triggers that produce emotions. We begin to understand our unique inner landscape.
© lewis-barr all rights reserved.

Emotions and Information Overload

Feeling overwhelmed with information and choices?

You're not alone. There is an ever growing mountain of information to consume and a dazzling array of choices in our daily routine. Learning to detect our subtle emotional reactions can help us sift through the competing voices, statistics, and pitches clamoring for our attention. Our emotions can alert us to subtle clues that our conscious mind has overlooked. Then, if we feel trust or distrust, anger, or fear, we can act appropriately. In this age of overwhelm, emotions can play an important role, especially if we analyze our reactions and learn (through experience) when to trust our intuition and when it is fallible.

© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Joy-filled Lessons

Can you take a brief moment right now to do a quick exercise--recalling feelings of joy? (It will help your immune system and your productivity today--I promise.) Read the rest of this paragraph and then close your eyes if it helps you to remember. Imagine a joyful time in your life. Remember the people, place, or event. Recall how you felt inside and the details of the scene. Relish the memory.

In my EI workshops I often focus (in my zeal to help) on the challenging emotions—fear, anger, sadness. It's hard work to explore those feelings. But all emotions have a lesson. Joy reminds us of what we value and hold dear. When we focus on joy we remind ourselves of our priorities and desires. Joyful memories can also remind us of our strengths and talents. Are you sharing your unique aptitudes and gifts with the world (and your co-workers)?
© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Are you Paying Attention to Nonverbals at work?

Just for today, watch the nonverbal behaviors around you. Are you heeding the messages being sent to you? Are you aware of them but choosing to ignore them? Or have you been unaware of the joy, frustrations, sadness, or anger in the next cubicle?

What Path are You Creating?

Our habitual reactions create stronger and stronger neural pathways in our brain, like a path through a forest. With each new repetition of a thought or action, we reinforce our automatic perceptions and reactions. Feelings of anger, fear, anxiety—all our emotions-- can be reinforced through practice. Are you happy with the emotional and cognitive paths you are creating in your mind?

© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

“The Tech-free Campsite" Rule for Meetings

When was the last time you were disconnected from technology? How did it feel? At your next meeting, try an experiment: have all participants turn off their phones and pretend they are in a gorgeous national forest or on an exotic cruise without phone reception. Can your group allow themselves to focus only on the meeting in progress? How does it feel to be tech-free?

Scientists are reporting that multi-tasking often interferes with our ability to perform well. While our tech habit may be hard to break (even for a short time period), the rewards may be significant: higher productivity, creativity and even better physical and psychological health.
© 2010 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved