I recently worked with “Sara” to help her with an upcoming interview. Sara’s voice was monotone as she answered mock questions. She was having a hard time thinking of examples of relevant experience and her stories were vague and bland. We weren’t making much progress.
I asked Sara about what she loved doing in her spare
time. Suddenly her face lit up as talked
about learning to code new online games.
After a few more questions Sara admitted that it was her mother that was
urging her to pursue a health care career.
She confessed that it wasn’t what she wanted.
While this is a dramatic example, not being aligned with one’s
message is a common issue. In my live
classes and coaching, I find a lack of alignment will create presentation
nervousness, fuzzy ideas, and lackluster nonverbals.
Whenever we talk with others, our audience will rapidly (and
unconsciously) detect incongruence between our nonverbal behavior and our
message. (Actors spend years trying to overcome
this natural phenomenon and even then they are not always “believable” to us.)
If we want to inspire, persuade, or motivate others, it is
essential that we are truthful -- first with ourselves. If there is part of our message that is not
true for us, we need to grapple with that.
How to resolve and align our messages will require some digging into our
thoughts, biases, and beliefs. The good
news is, if we have to (even partially) admit
our discomfort, this will build trust with our audience. Research confirms that it is always better to
offer the truth than try to fake it.
