What is Emotional Intelligence?

I’ve been exploring the field of emotional intelligence (EI) for a while now but still ask myself fundamental questions such as—what do I mean by Emotional Intelligence? I know some standard answers. I can spout out skills and competencies to be taught or assessed. Still, deeper questions linger.

My husband, Rick, is struggling with an angry colleague at work. “Jim” recently raised his voice at Rick, saying, “I’ll get to it!” While the words themselves were not abusive,
Jim’s angry delivery upset Rick. My husband walked away, enraged and confused. As we talked about the episode, I scoured my mind for helpful exercises. Rick could examine his thoughts and see how they led him into a habitual pattern of withdrawal from confrontations. He could look at his own “reaction cycle” and practice other responses to the often-unpredictable Jim.

We both agreed that Rick needed to stand up for himself more. Ideally, he could strongly but calmly let Jim know that his behavior was unacceptable. But, knowing Jim, and knowing the often brutal company culture, would this work or even be the best option?

Rick could fight fire with fire. He could throw back strong language and a fierce delivery. Would this be a more emotionally intelligent action under the circumstances? There are no clear-cut answers in this work (one reason I love it so much). Brutal self-honesty is necessary to help discern what is ethically responsible and emotionally intelligent.  It is the work of a lifetime.  

The good news is that we can become more "emotionally intelligent" over time.  Future posts will give ideas on how.

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

slideshow of team building and interactive training

Sorry to see that some camera shots aren't clear.  That's because I'm rarely standing still long enough during a team building or training event to take a great photo. At least that's my excuse! But this can give an idea of the types of team building and training events I can offer with partners like the Leaders Institute and other great companies and colleges.


 © 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Haiku at work

I submitted the report by noon

per your commands --

you didn’t stipulate a smile.

Communication is complicated!  Nonverbals override verbal messages every time.  

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Hidden and Seen -- Shakespeare at work: lessons from the bard on emotional intelligence and communication.

2.  Hidden and Seen

HAMLET:  (to his mother the Queen) I shall in all my best obey you madam.

KING:  Why, ‘tis a loving and a fair reply.

Hamlet Act 1 scene 2

Hamlet is enraged with his mother, the Queen.  But neither his uncle, the new king, or his mother acknowledge his curt and petulant replies.  They both act as if Hamlet is content with the new realities -- a new king and royal marriage.  Are they clueless, or do they think their pretense will persuade Hamlet to accept the rapid changes? 

I’ve witnessed similar denial at the workplace.  Employees pay lip service to the new corporate directives but even a visitor like me can see their disdain.  If we ignore the tone of voice or facial expressions in a conversation we will likely miss the real message. 

HAMLET: But I have that within which passes show;

Hamlet Act 1 scene 2

Here Hamlet tells his mother that his grief is beyond what she can see.  His entire speech is a warning against judging outward appearances that can be faked.  Hamlet understands the difference between his inner truth and what he shows the world. To know our rage, fear, or sadness is one aspect of emotional intelligence.  To know how and when to express our truth is another part of EI. 

from the upcoming book  Shakespeare at work:  lessons from the bard on emotional intelligence and communication.

© Lewis-Barr  All rights reserved.

  

Empathy, discovering another person's perspective.

When we listen well and slow down, discovering another person's deeper truth can feel like a sudden shock. Just like seeing the actual color of these camels.  (Not black).

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Shakespeare at work: lessons from the bard on emotional intelligence and communication.

1. Thinking of Ghosts

HORATIO (speaking to the Ghost):  What art thou that usurp’st this time of night?

Hamlet Act 1 scene 1

As a corporate trainer, I visit many different companies and often sense “ghosts” in the room.  These may be the lingering effects of former bosses or even policies that bolster or torment my participants.

Even more influential are the ghosts of previous, unresolved conflicts within the organization.  Morale and learning are both affected by these ghosts that linger in the minds of my participants.  As each grapples with these ghosts, they are not fully present to our workshop or each other. 

MARCELLUS:  Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

Hamlet Act 1 scene 4

Ghosts remain when “something is rotten,” Just as Hamlet is tasked to expose hidden crimes, we too can unearth the offenses that corrupt our personal and professional lives.  Once we learn the skills to have the “difficult conversation,” we can stop procrastinating (like Hamlet) and begin the hard work of reconciliation.  We can learn the most effective ways to listen, speak, and manage our emotions.  (For suggestions on communication and emotional intelligence books and workshops see the appendix.) 

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

EI haiku

My hardworking brain

creates your reply

even before you speak.

© 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Haiku -- EI = safety

Boss scowls across warehouse.

Electric cords wait like a snake.

I keep thoughts to myself.

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Haiku -- inviting us to take a breath and reflect.

Watching for the tiger

I don’t hear a word you say.

I’m ready to pounce.

  

The emotional brain is 80K times faster than the part of us that creates conversation.  

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Working on a new book filled with short meditations, images, and graphs like this.

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Exploring emotional intelligence with a morning haiku

Arguments rumble within.

Outside the boardroom window

a robin listens.

Can we challenge ourselves to listen deeply?  So deeply that we can hear, like the robin, what is buried deep?  

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Now working with ESpeakers -- I'd love to speak at your next event.

Storytelling for your next job or promotion

Worth remembering and repeating. Here's my article on my approach of using storytelling to get a new job or a promotion.

I'm now booking workshops and keynotes through Gig salad. Here's what a recent participant had to say....

Learning deepens when we're involved!

I love leading interactive training!  This is from the Communication Skills to Build Strong Teams workshop at the Sandwich Chamber this week.

Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

I love doing interactive presentations

I seldom get photos of myself in action so I'm grateful to Margaret Krafft who took photos during my presentation for the NACM (National Association of Credit Management) conference.  My topic-- "How to Deliver a Difficult Message."  Great group.  Fun day! I love interactive #presentations! 

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Inspiring Appreciative Inquiry session at Elgin Community College

Spent the morning using Appreciative Inquiry to explore successful collaboration with staff at Elgin Community College.  We were so inspired that we went 30 minutes over time before anyone noticed!  

We finished by envisioning what the campus might feel or look like if we could build on our existing strengths of collaborating well.

© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Philanthropic team building events with The Leaders Institute

These Build A Bike events last 90-120 minutes and are perfect for large or small groups. Each team builds a bike.  

They are a perfect way to create team cohesion, to build, morale, explore communication topics, or kick off an administrative meeting.

 --The event starts with a fun icebreaker.

--Teams then create flags, names and a cheer to perform. (Super fun!)
--Teams compete to answer puzzles and get bicycle parts to build their bike.
--Teams discover that they must share knowledge/parts to make their bikes.
--Charity comes to accept the bikes.

Prices are subject to change and come through my affiliation with The Leaders Institute. They include their fee, all art supplies, and the bicycles.

$175 for every team of 5-7 attendees +$900 base fee. Ideal minimum number for event is 20 people.  Maximum can be 300 people. 

Your brain on stories

The human brain craves and is hard-wired for stories.  According to researchers Prentice and Gerrig, our brains are built to process information from stories.  This explains why simply listing facts is less effective than telling an illustrative story.  According to Professor Uri Hasson, from Princeton, a story is the only way to activate parts in the brain so that a listener turns the story into their own idea and experience.   

Researchers have found that when listening to a powerpoint, only the language centers of the brain light up.  When listening to a story, all the sensory areas of the brain also light up.  Telling a story is like hacking into someone's brain.  It is the most effective way to inspire, motivate, and persuade. 


© 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Wearing our emotional intelligence....

Today I procrastinated on my film project by imagining emotional intelligence insights in clothing.  I'm not sure anyone would wear this t-shirt but it was fun to create and I like the reminder. 

 © 2018 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Thinking is hard!

A great article here on the biases we have that get us into trouble .  Watching out for cognitive biases is a great habit to cultivate in 2018.

Victor Frankl quote for a New Year

“Between the stimulus and response, there is a space and in that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.”

(1962).