The Power of Passion

A true story.

Rick and I are selling our home. Several weeks ago, we readied ourselves to interview several realtors. Still, we knew our tendency—to go with the first person we met. That was Bob. Nice guy. After hellos, we sat at our dining table and Bob took us through his glossy brochure. He described his brokerage, his sales strategies, and selling philosophy. Then we paged through the contracts. After an hour, we were ready for a walk-thru. As we pointed out improvements and made excuses for eccentricities, Bob said little. We moved quickly from room to room, shook hands, and Bob left.

“So, he seems ok, right?” Rick knew our busy schedules and how much we both hated this interviewing process.

I shrugged. I wanted to go with Bob so we could be done with interviews, but his silence felt like disinterest, or worse. How could he sell our home if he was apathetic (or appalled)?

I arranged another interview. Denise came over the next evening, while Rick was at a Cubs game.

She shook my hand and launched into the living room. Denise had worked designing new homes. I feared she would detest my unconventional art and my “unusual” design choices. But Denise wasn’t a snob. She immediately began talking about what she saw-the furniture, the colors, the architecture. She “got” my style and offered helpful suggestions to make our home more “mainstream.” We spent two hours, going from room to room.

It was now 9 pm. Denise was in heels, but she impulsively began moving my furniture. I grabbed the other end of a couch so it wouldn’t drag on the oak floors.

“Do you always do this on your first visit?” I teased.

“Only with clients who will let me.”

Denise and I had never sat down. She had never formally pitched herself or her company, but here she was, at the end of a long day, moving furniture throughout my home. Her passion for real estate was palpable.

Rick came home from the game to a newly staged living room.

While Bob seemed competent, ethical and kind, Denise’s incredible zeal closed the deal. From the minute she entered the room, it was clear we would employ her talents and enthusiasm. In all lines of work, there is no substitute for passion.

What are you passionate about? Is there a way to bring your passions to your work?

© 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

The "violence" of being too busy

"There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence…overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form of innate violence. To allow
oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone and everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy...destroys our own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.” Thomas Merton

Symptoms of Inner Peace

Some Signs of Inner Peace:
• A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.

• An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

• A loss of interest in judging other people and in interpreting their actions.

• A loss of interest in conflict.

• A loss of the ability to worry (very Serious Symptom!)

• Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

• Frequent attacks of smiling (Also very Serious).

• An increasing tendency to let things happen, rather than to make them happen.

• An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others and the uncontrollable urge to extend it.

Saskia Davis, author

for more symptoms and info on the author visit here.

Time to Take A Break?

The Chinese word for busy consists of two characters “heart” & “killing.”

Bringing Nemo to Work

Bought my friend a fish for her desk at work. Fishy has brought some peacefulness into her stressful workplace. What could help you feel saner and more yourself at your workplace?

© 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Time Management is like Poker

If you pick a new card, you must discard another. © 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Dealing with Conflict

Be hard on the problem

Be soft on the person

Focus on needs, not positions

Emphasise common ground

Be inventive about options

Make clear agreements

These reminders are from the Confict Resolution Network.

Guaranteed to make you smile.

For pure unadulterated joy, check out this musical comedy moment in a train station.

Time Management Secret Weapon

Begin that daunting task!

When facing my messy basement or planning a big seminar, the project can seem overwhelming-- until I plunge in.

So pick a place to begin. You can start anywhere. I choose a corner of my basement, take a breath and.... go!

Begin. Your genius will soon join you. © 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Powerful Unseen Forces at Work

Does this scenario sound familiar? A manager perpetuates inefficient policies to protect his departmental “turf.” “Greg” wants assurances that all “his” numbers are credited to him. He is afraid to share credit on any project for fear of budget or position cuts. So Greg duplicates the work of other departments and won’t streamline processes. But as Greg works diligently to protect his own fiefdom, he frustrates his staff and colleagues.

Ironically, if Greg made choices that benefited the greater good, his position would be more secure. Greg’s staff would be more motivated and his colleagues would recognize the value he adds to their division. But Greg doesn’t believe this. He is driven by fears of unseen number-crunchers. His paranoid conversations with the accounting department never go well. As he realizes (unconsciously) that his work lacks value, Greg may become more afraid and even create a self-fulfilling prophecy of what he most fears.

Greg may survive in the short-term but his refusal to face his real motivations will send a cognitive dissonance throughout his small department. His staff, colleagues and superiors will sense his hidden agendas, even if they cannot name them. These invisible drives, based on unconscious fears, will continue to undermine all work and Greg’s ability to inspire and lead.
© 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

The Habit of Happiness--A Way of Thinking

And at 6 minutes in, some fascinating info on the power of meditation.

Email Addiction and Time Management

Thank you to Businessballs.com for these fascinating factoids.

• Compulsive checking of emails and being continuously available to incoming text messages, etc., is considered by some experts to be driven by the same impulses that are experienced by gamblers, i.e., following the principle of unpredictable occasional reward, and similar descriptions of such behaviour.
• 
  Surveys regularly find vast amounts of wasted time spent by workers dealing with emails and email interruptions. A 2008 report in the Guardian newspaper staggeringly calculated that a worker who checks/responds to email interruptions every five minutes wastes 8.5 hours a week, given the recovery time required after each interruption.

Can You Be Happy Anywhere?

As I study the research on happiness (for my training workshops), one idea dominates: happiness is a state of mind. This probably sounds overly obvious (in the abstract) but applying this to my daily life is a struggle.
We all have dreams and goals. These are vital to life. But if dreams slip into "when _____ happens, I'll be happy," it's time to question these thoughts.
Lately I've become obsessed (again) with living on Lake Michigan. I long to move north-some quiet beaches in Wisconsin are the most peaceful and spiritual places I know. Since I believe in the power of intention, and prayer, and hard work, I approach this desire with energy and optimism. But even with my best creative thinking, I can't find a way to make this dream happen soon.
Today I've felt a shriller inner voice pleading, "Come on God, I really want this! I'll pray so hard you'll have to make this happen!" (Here I'm like my puppy who begs and begs until I give her what she wants).
But then I remember happiness research. If I got the home on Lake Michigan, would it really make me happier? I find a deep inner peacefulness at the lake but isn't there a way to create that peacefulness anywhere? Happiness research says yes. Our thoughts, not our circumstances create happiness. Certain daily disciplines, (like meditating and practicing gratitude) can even change the brain toward a happier state.
Can I really create the same peaceful feelings in my urban backyard as those that envelop me when I sit on an empty beach, listening to the waves? I will try. And even now, as I shift from the desperate need for something in the future to the quiet acceptance of the Now, I know greater peace.
I'm a passionate person with many goals and desires. It is a challenge to balance my enthusiasms and ambitions with an acceptance of Life's limits. Today I make a new goal--to keep practicing both gratitude and acceptance of the limits of today. © 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

The answer is coming. It's just out of sight.

I've been sitting with a “problem” for months. I use quotes because I know from experience that I see problems only when my perception is limited. When my vision expands (or clears), I see the solution (hidden like a fortune) inside my problem (cookie).

In the theatre, I faced this paradox countless times. I would be staging a scene and find myself trapped in an “impossible” dynamic. I'd need an actor to be in a different place. Or a “vital” prop would be unavailable. Or time, money and resources would evaporate as opening night approached.

In each case as I “sat with” my insurmountable problem, an unforeseen solution would materialize. One moment I am stuck and then I see an opening. Have you had this experience? It's a hoot.

The solution only appears when I'm relaxed and patient. But it always appears.

Today I'm sitting with another impossible dilemma. I have a book to write, a great part time college gig, and a growing training business. How can I find the time to write and keep growing my business without giving up my great part time job? If I need to give something up, what should it be, and when? I've been posing these questions for months. No answer has emerged - yet. Perhaps the timing is not right for my writing or a change in direction. I watch and wait. I know that working with the flow of events is essential.

The answer is coming. It's just out of sight.

© 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved

Managing Emotions--Good Article

Here is an excerpt from a helpful article in Forbes.com. There are plenty of practical tips that are not about repressing emotions (not good) but managing emotions (necessary). To read the entire article click here.

When you're feeling cranky, it's often easy to pinpoint (or point fingers at) the problem: your boss, your husband, traffic. But while any one or all may be a problem at the moment, they are not in control of your reaction to them. You are.

Managing how you respond to others is oftentimes simply a matter of managing your thoughts, says Steven Alper, LSCW, a consultant with the Scripps Center for Integrative Medicine who teaches stress-reduction techniques to executives.

For example, if your boss gives you an extremely tight deadline for a project, it's easy to get caught in an endless spin cycle of whining: I can't believe she did this to me again! Doesn't she realize I have 10 other things to do this week? Not to mention a family at home that needs me--not that she would know what that's like.

In other words, you're wasting precious time and energy ruminating about the past (all those other 11th-hour assignments) and fretting about the future (not finishing in time to get your kids from daycare).

The solution, instead, is to bring yourself into the present. Either get to work, recruit help or explain to your boss why the deadline is unrealistic.

Transforming Customer Service

This is an inspirartional slide show from Ken Blanchard--said to be a true story.

http://www.stservicemovie.com/

A Teacher Models Emotional Intelligence

Thank you to the Association for Childhood Education International (ACEI) for permission to link to this terrific article from their March 2008 publication (Childhood Education). Author Sue Grossman courageously details the complicated and contradictory feelings a teacher may have for a student. It is only when we are this honest that we can learn to manage and transform our negative feelings. Then we can stop these hidden emotions from causing unseen reactions in ourselves and others.

Here is a quote from the article.

All good teachers try hard to treat each child fairly and kindly, with care and concern. Indeed, we are ethically obliged to do so (National Association for the Education of Young Children [NAEYC], 2005). As we are human, however, we may occasionally meet a child to whom we react negatively (Maxim, 1997). This was certainly true for me as a kindergarten teacher. It is not something to be proud of, but we must admit
it honestly in order to work through it and thus ensure fair treatment of each child.

The subject is only sparsely addressed in the early childhood literature (Checkley, 2006), and only a few references to teachers’ feelings about specific children can be found (Katz, 1995; Maxim, 1997). This is unfortunate; if ignored or denied, such feelings have the potential to do harm. Like steam in a pipe, feelings unexpressed or ignored will escape somewhere and may result in an outburst toward an undeserving child (Checkley, 2006).

Many of us have been taught throughout our lives to be “nice,” and that
it is unacceptable to have negative feelings, especially about children. We are condemned as heartless and cruel if we do not like all of the children we teach. Yet it simply may not be possible to like all children. As an acquaintance of mine once said, If there is even one child whose absence from school pleases you, you do not love all children!

Being Forced to Face Feelings
Passive children were always a challenge for me. I much preferred the rambunctious, out-of-bounds ones with spunk and energy, even if they needed to be reined in a bit. Alice Ann appeared to be a typical 5-year-old as I observed her at play with other kindergartners. When I spoke to her, however, she would stare at me, mouth a bit open, silently unresponsive. She seemed intimidated by me, yet I thought of myself as a nice person and a reasonably good teacher whom children should like and certainly have no reason to fear! How a child responds to you has an effect
on how you respond to him or her.

You can read the entire article here.

Emotional Intelligence in the Classroom

This is a video from yesterday’s Newshour program on PBS. It is a great overview of the benefits of social emotional learning in the classroom.

http://learningmatters.tv/blog/on-the-newshour/stop-think-act-the-program/2301/

The wise adapt themselves to circumstances, as water molds itself to the pitcher.
Chinese proverb

Our Greatest Time Management Challenge

I teach a terrific Time Management class. It is full of great tips and proven principles. But lately, I’ve been contemplating the deeper issues of time. Everyone seems to feel deluged with duties. My clients speak of time pressures and seek desperately for a magic bullet to solve their workload dilemmas. How did this happen? Even 15 years ago, the cultural pace seemed slower, didn’t it? Are technological advances speeding up our lives? Or is it the increasing number of brilliant minds who churn out more to learn, know, and experience? I cannot keep up with the books, articles, and emails that interest me.

Meanwhile, I’ve recently been talking with several friends who are depressed. Like everyone else--their “to do" list is enormous and growing. They have too many errands, too many details to juggle, and too much to learn in a day. I can relate. Without enough “down time,” I feel overwhelmed and spent. I want to hide from the world and recharge. I’m lucky that my schedule often allows me to do this. But my friends don’t feel able to get off their treadmills. Is this why they’re depressed? Some psychologists believe that depression is our psyche’s way of getting us to go inward, to the deepest parts of ourselves that need attention.

As our “needs” and “oughts” grow we will all be forced to make hard choices regarding our time. If our employers are asking too much of us, will we be able to suggest changes? Time is a finite resource. We can learn to be efficient and use it well but we are human beings—not machines. We cannot force our bodies, minds, and spirits to exceed our own capacity for work. In this era of technological wonders, accepting our human limitations will be the greatest time management challenge we face.

© 2009 Laura Lewis-Barr all rights reserved